Is it ever ok to ask a guy for help?

“I’m worried about Katy,” Gina had said at work. Porsche-guy was in a meeting in a side room so this was our opportunity to chat properly. “She seemed ok last time I saw her,” I said. I was annoyed with Gina for interrupting me. I was trying to proofread some copy for a gallery brochure, and I was behind.

“I don’t like Fraser,” she said.

“That’s because you’re a socialist,” I said.

“No,” said Gina, “I don’t understand their relationship, I think he is still dating other girls, but Katy doesn’t seem to mind. I don’t understand why she hasn’t kicked off about it.”

“That is odd,” I said. Katy was very liberal, but I didn’t think it would stretch to a one-sided open relationship.

“Is she seeing other people as well?” I asked,

“No that I know of,” said Gina.

“Katy’s in a difficult place, and Fraser is helping her out with money, maybe she feels like she can’t say no to him,” I said.

“Yeah, and I want to like him for helping her. But it just feels wrong,” said Gina.

“No man is ever really going to help you sort your life out,” I said. Gina looked pensive and rearranged the pencils on her desk. “Think about it,” I said, “if you recover from whatever is wrong with you, unhappiness, weight problems, money problems, crap job, low confidence- there is a good chance that you will move on with your life, and drop him. They have a vested interest in making sure you stay fucked up. Men feed off female insecurity. Why do you think so many great girls go out with assholes.”

“That’s a bit cynical,” said Gina,

“Think about it,” I said, “from the guy’s point of view. If a woman is timid, scared, unhappy, she’s going to stick with you, she knows you, you’re safe. You’re not going to pay for her to have $200 an hour therapy, just for her to realise she’s ‘outgrown’ you, and is better off without you.”

Gina thought about this. She wasn’t dating anyone at the time and was still preoccupied with her ex, Lewes. “The trouble with Katy,” she said, “is that her daddy always paid for everything. That’s why she can run around doing unpaid film projects, and going to bars in Manhattan with nob-end financiers.” This was true. But I wondered if I wouldn’t be tempted to do the same if I could. “But now the rug has been pulled from under her,” said Gina, “and she’s acting like a total ditz.”

Image: Your demons await you by Connie


One thought on “Is it ever ok to ask a guy for help?

  1. I think, if anyone is dating someone with the expectation that they will “sort out their life” then there’s a problem. I dated a guy once who was basically broke and needed someone to latch onto for a while. I was lonely at the time and hadn’t had a relationship for over a year so I basically let him mooch off me in exchange for sex and company for a couple months before I realised how stupid it was.

    I would never ask a guy I date for any sort of major life help, especially when it comes to money. (unless we were like married or something) I would want them to be supportive in a caring sort of way and perhaps help me carry some heavy boxes when I move, but if I had major financial problems or shitty job I would rather move back into public subsidized housing and start working two jobs again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s