So I go the party, alone…

I mentioned in a pervious post that Katy’s family had been fairly liberal. I suppose they may have been nominally Anglican at some point, but they were basically a modern secular family. This meant that Katy grew up without any neurosis about sex and relationships.

As I said, I got the impression from Gina that Katy’s set had been quite promiscuous at Uni. I’d always wondered if girls regret this later on. That evening, at the club, when Katy was really drunk, she said some stuff about her mum-

“I kind of wish my mum had been more strict with me, I slept with lots of guys, and she never said anything. After Giles dumped me I went with loads of guys, maybe to get back at him, and I just wanted to have a good time, also get him out of my system. Mum knew I was sleeping around but she didn’t really say anything. I felt like she didn’t care.” etc

This surprised me. I’d always always seen liberal households as an unobtainable dream, a thing of envy. A house where you were not judged on your budding sexuality, and where parents spoke freely to their kids about the practicalities of contraception, and the ins and outs of relationships. I thought Katy had been happy growing up with a cool mum, who didn’t mind if her boyfriends slept over. Obviously not. I have to admit that at the time, I was a bit judgemental. I thought it was a bit pathetic, and possibly a bit freudian that Katy blamed her promiscuity on her mum.

This is a very short diary entry from around that time. I couldn’t quite work out what Katy means here  –

June 25th 

Been cheering myself up with some shopping today. Went to Prada and Margiela, also got some Jbrand jeans. Feel a bit better.

It’s nice to have some money. I feel a bit weird about it. But then lots of people have money for doing fuck all. 

I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but a tiny, uncharitable part of me suspected Katy might have been selling drugs. Not on any kind of scale, but just as one of those people you sometimes meet at parties who knows people and can get you stuff. Between her movie contacts, Fraser’s friends, and the fact that she was out almost every night, she was quite well connected. It wasn’t impossible that she was selling on some of her meds from Tijuana to desperate New Yorkers needing a few downers. I am not judging Katy for this. She was stranded in NY with no cash. I can’t honestly say I wouldn’t do something desperate or stupid if I were ever in that situation.

I whinge about my job at the gallery, but it does pay my bills. And if the worst comes to the worst, my father will wire some money from London. He will tut at me and make me feel like a failure, but the money will arrive, and I won’t starve.

I wondered about Katy’s dad. If he were alive and sitting on a beach in some tax haven, or if he had just disappeared, forever, without trace.

Image: Espresso Break, by Connie

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3 thoughts on “So I go the party, alone…

  1. I grew up in a liberal open-minded household. My parents discussed contraception with me, and even put me on the pill when I had my first serious boyfriend at 16. But I didn’t have sex until after high school. In addition to my parents being open minded and liberal, they also trusted me and spoke to me. They told me that they thought I should wait until I was out of high school before embarking on that part of my life, so I did.

    Just goes to show you that there can always be middle ground between the two.

  2. Mine is a similar story to Alexandra. I was never given that line to “wait until you’re married.” For me, it was “wait until you’re 18.” And my mom made it clear that I should come to her with questions or concerns and she’d help me get birth control. I finally did as her about bc when I was about 15 but I was just curious. Nothing happened until I was 17. And even though she seemed determined to be cool about it, she was and still is uncomfortable at the thought of me having sex. So, go figure.

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