About Katy



When Katy died she left no formal will. She didn’t have anything worth leaving to anyone. A scrawled note on the ex libris of her diary said. “In the avent [sic] of my death, I leave this to Cara. The only person who ever asked ME about my life.”


This surprised me. I barely knew Katy. A couple of people had introduced us. Something along the lines of – “She’s British too. She’s in NY to make a movie. Why don’t you hook up.” We had vaguely mixed in the same circles, but the last time we saw each other had been awkward. Well meaning but clumsy, I had asked about her (much older) boyfriend, who was some old business contact of her father’s. She’d gone frosty, and avoided me for the rest of the night.


I feel bad because we talked about Katy. She was dramatic, and juicy in a way I could never be.


Somehow, the coroner managed to track me down. I suppose my name was in a dead girl’s diary. They had to interview me. I did the interview, told them the little I did know. I left a contact address, and tried to forget about the whole thing. The week after the ruling I received the diary in the post. Feeling crap and morbid about the whole thing, I couldn’t face reading it for several weeks. But then voyeurism got the better of me. She was still remembered, and talked about, often unfavourably, in our group of friends. I didn’t always like Katy, and I certainly didn’t agree with her lifestyle. But I was curious to read her side of the story.


What follows is my reconstruction of the last years of her life. Mainly transcribed from her diary, with gaps filled in by reliable sources. I need to add here that Katy was not a brilliant writer, her hand was that of someone unpracticed, unaccustomed to forming letters, and even writing as a twenty-one year old, her prose was littered with basic errors. I am betraying myself as a snob. Katy was not un-intelligent, but I got the impression she had been a lazy student. She had studied at a good film school in London, but had spent as much time socialising as working. She had cruised by, and got a bit more into it at postgraduate level when she came to NY to work on a couple of indie films.  Truth be told, I was always a bit jealous of her. She was rich-ish, which always rubs me up the wrong way. I was an Art History student, struggling on a small scholarship and a plongeur job. But something had always been a bit wrong with Katy. I keep thinking about the last time I saw her. Some gallery event full of moneyed tossers. That old guy she was with. His fat hand resting on her tiny waist as we chatted, like girls, about work, fashion, college, boys we knew. Normal stuff. Stuff people talk about every day.


108 thoughts on “About Katy

  1. It’s a very interesting story, but heart breaking. Extraordinary project though, I shall certainly visit again. Very much like your blog, and the way you write it, very honest and very interesting. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for stopping by my little blog also. – Arran.

  2. Thankyou for liking my post because it makes me to see your blog…One thing cara,you are very kind and good hearted…”being honest to oneself is a greatway to get the satisfaction in life”…Keep going dude

  3. Hi Cara! Thank you for stopping by my blog and liking my post. Your blog is very interesting. I wish you the best in telling Katy’s story.

  4. Hello, thank you for liking my post! I’m glad it led me to your blog 🙂 Never really seen a blog like it. Can I ask – are you British living in NY? What’s your story? I’m always fascinated by Brits who make it there/live out there because I love NY and hope to live there one day myself! xxx

    • I’m really behind on answering my comments!!
      My own background is that my family are from Devon in England, and I went to NY to do my History of Art postgrad. Looking back I was really clueless about art and wrote a load of pretentious crap on Action Painting as a Western form of Shodo-Zen Calligraphy for my dissertation. I did classes at NYU and The Parson’s School, as well as other workshops around town. I got a merit but not a distinction, and moved back to Europe. I have a love-hate relationship with NY. It is great because there is always stuff going on there, and if you are into culture or just the social scene you are never bored. But as I grew up in the countryside I sometimes find cities very dirty and impersonal. xx

  5. That was really depressing. I like that you are blogging about her, giving her some sort of honor she probably didn’t get in life. I just wanted to stop by and return the favor of liking my clouds…Thank you.

    • At first I had very mixed feeling about doing this project! I was uncomfortable publishing something so personal, but I’ve given Katy a degree of anonymity so hopefully people won’t be offended by how candid it is. I decided to tell her story because our society is often very indifferent towards young women who are down on their luck, and I think it’s important to talk about this. xx

  6. Hi Cara – I just nominated you for a Beautiful Blogger award. You may have already received one in the past because you have a great blog–but you’ve made an impact on me so that’s why I nominated you. You can choose to celebrate your wonderfulness or ignore it–it’s up to you; however, you might like to see what I wrote about you on my site.


    No worries if you’re not into the award thing. I still love your blog. 🙂


    Tammy of “Walking in Pretty Shoes”

    • Thanks, this is really kind. I’ve not really done the awards thing because I know a lot of people on wordpress and I don’t want to offend people by singling out favourite blogs!! but it’s really flattering to be nominated. Lots of love, Cara. xxx

  7. Thanks Cara. It seems that Katy’s story is like veiled in haunting mystery. But with such dedication, you’re giving some glimpse of light to see the beauty of her life.

  8. Hi Cara, thank you for liking my drawing. I could tell from your words that you are a very kind and sincere human being. To go this far for someone that you barely knew, it must took a lot of courage and determination. Thank you for sharing; I look forward to reading more!

  9. Pingback: 31.08.12 + full moon favorites « wonderingmind studio

  10. I’m so glad that I stumbled across this blog. You write so beautifully and it seems like the kind of topic that we can all relate to deep down. Will definitely be following!

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